Medical fun with Gilbert and Sullivan

By: Brian Wells

I am the very model of a modern medico general,
I’ve information diagnosable, mucosal and gangrenal
I know the cells of squamous and I quote the tests explorable
from MRI to TSH in order categorical.

I’m very well aquainted too with matters metastatical
I understand blood tests, both the simple and coaguable
About fibrocystic disease, I’m teeming with a lot of news
with many cheerful facts about the cysts with the domes of blue.

with many cheerful facts about the cysts with the domes of blue.
with many cheerful facts about the cysts with the domes of blue.

with many cheerful facts about the cysts with the domes of domes of blue.

I’m well adept at listening and I often do asseverate
that I’ll screen for TB before it can disseminate
In short, in matters diagnosable, mucosal and gangrenal,
I am the very model of a modern medico general.

In short, in matters diagnosable, mucosal and gangrenal,
He is the very model of a modern medico general.

I can write out glycolysis on the wall of your dorm
and tell you every detail of albuterol’s isoform
With my stethoscope I can listen for whisper pectoriloquy
and then rattle off eponyms as if they were a symphony.

I can catalog white blood cells as if I were a PhD
and then check the abdomen for size, shape and symmetry
Scars and swelling too before I use the otoscope and tuning fork
and see if your hearing loss is real or just somatoform.

and see if your hearing loss is real or just somatoform.
and see if your hearing loss is real or just somatoform.
and see if your hearing loss is real or just somatomatoform.

Then I can write reports in structured history-taking form
and tell you every patient test that was well within the norm
In short, in matters diagnosable, mucosal and gangrenal,
I am the very model of a modern medico general.

In short, in matters diagnosable, mucosal and gangrenal,
He is the very model of a modern medico general.

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