April Fool’s!

HAHAHAH! What a great day! Great laughs and great fun!

A short chronicle of the day’s hard-core conservative Republican attitude:

Obama bad. Rush good. Palin = Amazing! Drill baby drill! ♥ ♥ $$$. Stop mooching. No insurance? Don’t get sick. Rich only rich because we’re smart and work hard. Poor people just lazy. We’ll find the WMD’s. China evil except when they loan us money. “No” until 2012. Repeal the bill. That is all. http://www.facebook.com/brian.wells?v=feed&story_fbid=10100370050128391&ref=mf
Brian Wells is tired of all these unpatriotic liberals whining about freedom of speech, invasion of privacy, limits on health coverage, etc. Sick? Then get a job, buy insurance and stay healthy while you wait for things to be covered! Maybe you should have thought about those genes before you were conceived and you wouldn’t now have a genetic disorder. So stop being lazy and mooching off me. http://www.facebook.com/brian.wells?v=feed&story_fbid=10100369856276871&ref=mf
After 4 years of research and development, I’m pleased to announcement that my long-awaited army of ill-tempered super dolphins is ready. We couldn’t get the head-mounted lasers to work but the flipper-mounted plasma cannons do just fine. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=66260291&id=2004912&comments&ref=mf
I’ve agreed to take a consulting job with the conservative think tank AEI. Consultations will be done over the phone and email so I don’t even have to move. I’ll be working on the economic benefits of regulation-free banking, studying ways to run solar plants with coal and oil and lobbying to repeal health care reform and replace it with a reality show where contestants compete for insurance coverage. http://www.facebook.com/brian.wells?v=feed&story_fbid=107089942659163&ref=mf

While being a Republican was fun, it’s time to return to my liberal Democrat ways. 364 more days until I get to join the GOP ranks once again!

I Can Finally Say It

It feels good to finally come to terms with what I believe. I’ve tried to hide it for so long, acting like I believe in liberal ideas, pretending to care about the environment and global warming, believing in the unity of humanity. Now, I can finally admit it.

I’m a hard-core conservative Republican!

I have an autographed 5×7 of Ronald Reagan on my desk.

I dream of one day getting my book signed by Karl Rove and shaking the hand of Dick Cheney.

I think people should realize companies only have our best interests at heart. When we try to regulate them, we keep them from being best able to help us.

It feels good to finally come clean and stop pretending. Hopefully, the next time I have a revelation in my life, it won’t take me decades to realize it.


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